I'm so blessed! He has been just amazing, even his bad times are so much better than I knew were possible. God has filled my heart with this little man and I'm so excited for all that is to come.
To be honest I don't even know where to start since I have so many different things going around in my head right now so I'm just going to do a quick update.
Today was the big day, at 8:30 this morning my attendant and driver met my family and I outside of our hotel and took us to get my son. The pick up lasted about an hour and it couldn't have gone any better. God promises he will take care of us but doesn't promise it will be easy so I admit I was very nervous about how things would go, I should know by now to stop worrying about things in his hands. His foster mother did excellent, I know she was very sad to see him leave but she held it all in because it was best Hristiyan. And Hristiyan was AMAZING!!!!! I am in awe of the strength my child has and feel such pain when I think of how often he's had to test it. He cried for a short while in the car but he really couldn't have done better. The car ride went really well, the road was a rough in some areas and he got a little shook up by it but it was an excellent opportunity for him to get to depend on momma for support which of course I was super happy to give.
When we got back in town we had to get passport and visa medical pictures and then finally we could head back to the hotel. By the time we made it back we were starving so after a quick baggage drop off we went to catch a bite, Again Hristiyan did great. He's all about eating off everyone's plates so his meal consisted of steamed veggies, cucumber salad, meatballs, cow tongue, chicken hearts and french fries, and he loved every bit of it!! lol His appetite is just like his moms :)
After dinner we came back to the hotel and spent some time alone. We vacuumed the hotel room floor with a mini-vac because he LOVES to clean, played with some toys and danced to some Bulgarian MTV. I've already learned a lesson in the craziness of raising boys too ... he had stripped down to his underwear before we started cleaning and at one point I turned around and he had the mini-vac shoved in his underwear trying to suck up his weewee :-/ What in the world do boys think when they do this mess!! lol
A few hours later, after their nap, Baba Cherry (my mom) & Michael came back to our room and hung out until we got ready for bed. Hristiyan wasn't super happy about his bath but he held on to for dear life and we made it out alive and clean. Luckily he loves to brush his teeth and likes to try to brush mine too. His grandparents watched him for me while I took a bath but that didn't stop him from coming to check and see where I had disappeared to, I was prepared though with towels everywhere for cover up just incase. I felt like I got an A+ for that one ;) lol So finally now he's sleeping and i'm just staring at him how can I not he's too cute.
It was a great day! God never ceases to amaze me with his blessings (or his lessons) and I'm so glad I get to give my son a chance to take a load off of his shoulders and feel the same security that I feel in the arms of my Savior. Teaching my son to depend on God is going to be my greatest honor.
Time for me to get some sleep. Be blessed! (I certainly am:)
In four days my family and I will travel to bring Hristiyan home and I
couldn't be more excited (or scared. lol) Unfortunately we have ran into a few
small unexpected issues ... It seems there was recently a situation where a
child was brought home with TB and it is now being required that all children
undergo a TB test at their visa medical. Because of the already tight schedule
and the wait to receive test results it is now necessary for a two week trip.
:( While my son's country is a beautiful place I am really anxious to get him
home and get our family into a comfortable routine so we can get to know each
other without the stress of travel and the exhaustion that comes with it. This
also adds a significant financial burden, besides the cost of rooms there is
the cost of eating out every meal, transportation and having an attendant. I
know God will take care of it all but it's a little stressful for a planner
like myself when the devil is playing around and throwing wrenches.
I started packing last night and it’s a mess. I don't know how much he will
take from his foster home with him with so I’ve pretty much packed every piece
of clothing I’ve bought for him that isn't shorts and a t-shirt. So far the
weather says we are looking at mostly the low 70’s during the day and 40’s at
night hopefully it stays that way because my wardrobe doesn’t have consist of a
lot of sweaters. I’ve got to do some shopping tonight to stock up on medicine
incase Hristiyan gets ill from all of the stress and pick up a portable DVD
player so he can get started learning some English hopefully this can help keep
us occupied.
We’ve booked rooms at the Best Western Europe in Sofia and I’m nervous to
see how the rooms are. It’s hard to find reviews you trust but it didn’t seem
too bad and they have a good free breakfast so that takes care of the cost of
one of the daily meals. I’ll be sure to update with a review on the hotel for
anyone who may one day need the info.
I've been researching like crazy to find ways to keep him busy on the long
flight home but nothing I’ve found seems to be anything of genius. I need as
much prayer and advice as any of you can give because I’m nervous as all get
out. The thought of my son being stuck in a hotel room for almost a full 2
weeks just to be put on a plane for over 16 hours is enough to make a new mom
VERY nervous. lol
All in all I’m very happy and crazy nervous and I can’t wait to get my new
life started. And I’m not kidding about the prayers if any of you pray we all
need a ton of them =) I’ll do my best to keep you updated while we are gone.
It's
official, I'm a mommy! My official decree has been received by my agency in
Bulgaria and my son is legally mine :) This means I finally get to show pictures, yay!
I love that smile
Hehe and Baba Cherry taking pictures
Even his pouty face is precious
It took a little coaxing but I finally got him to go down the slide
Gotta get cleaned up after playing in the sand box
Most of us can think back on our childhood home and recall pretty good memories. You can call to mind birthday parties, Christmases, learning to ride a bike on your street and friends you made in the neighborhood. A good number of us can remember how nice our bedroom was, our childhood pets and the smell of mom’s cooking. Even if our childhood wasn’t always perfect, memories of that time in our lives are usually enough to bring a smile to our face. Most know we were blessed and for those who don’t, I hope by the end of this you receive a little perspective.
Here is a little of what my son’s home was like –
In April of 2012 this News Article hit Bulgaria (This is just an excerpt)
18 children died over a year and a half
Babies and young children are being left hungry for days, lie in urine without having their diapers changed for twenty-four hours, due to which most of them are severely ill. Over a year and a half, 18 children have died, as evidenced by a Report of the CPA. This provoked an inspection by the Minister of Health Dessislava Atanassova. Yesterday she commented that she left there crying. At the moment, 154 children live in the institution. After the inspection, Ms. Atanassova found out that, obviously, the personnel had known about her visit, as the children were all dressed up nicely, the sheets were changed and the toys were new. The stench of urine, however, made a huge impression. “While I walked through the rooms and watched the children, I cried. After that, I got mad and was greatly upset that they were doing wrong things,” the health minister said. She made a hint that probably serious financial misuses had been done in the institution, as any accountability was lacking. VERONICA AFTER LEAVING THE ORPHANAGE 4 kilograms and 850 grams. That’s how much the 9 year old Veronica weighed on November 14, 2011. That was her last day in Home For Medical and Social Care for Children in Pleven which terrified the health minister and CPA. She couldn’t pull up to a sitting or standing position and only was lying down. Today, 5 months later, in the USA, in Pennsylvania, she is already weighing 12 kilograms and has a chance for life.
Below is a video taken in 2011 to bring awareness to the conditions of this orphanage and solicit funding for the Baba Program (Grandmother Nurturing Program.) The Baba Program has been implemented to help the children receive the individual care that is not being provided by the orphanage staff. This program has been a huge blessing to the children but unfortunately the due to funding not all children are able to participate. The conditions of this orphanage had already been improving by this point and continue to improve today but are they still much too far behind. This video is of only the least distressing parts of the orphanage yet it is obvious just how very sad the situation really is. Some of the speaking is very soft and hard to understand so turn up the volume and listen well.
I praise God everyday for my son and I am honored that He would trust me with a child who has been through so much already though I know I am not worthy. I pray that God gives him peace about the horrible memories he will have of his first years. I pray that he may feel so enveloped by the love of God the he isn’t haunted by visions of the past. I pray for the Grace to get through the days when he decides to talk about them so I can be the support he needs. And I pray that the Lord is with all of the children who grew up in this same situation and that he save other innocents from go through these types of abuse.
If any of you would like a chance to learn how you can help or get involved One Heart Bulgarian is a wonderful place to get started. www.oneheart-bg.org/
Heartbreak, it keeps you up at night and makes you unable to get out of bed during the day. It makes you cry yourself sick and scream till you have no voice. It makes you long for love and curse every happy person you see. It offends your pride and makes you question your worth. It causes you to distrust people yet seek out their approval. Its gut wrenching and life altering. It’s hope shattered and love rejected. And unfortunately … it’s everywhere.
It’s in the husband whose wife has left him for another man. It’s in the wife who is watching her relationship with her husband be replaced by his work. It’s in the child who has grown up with an absentee parent. It’s in the widow who watched the love of her life die of cancer. It’s in the woman who has given herself to another man who didn’t value her enough to stick around. Heartbreak – it’s a silent killer. It kills your hopes and dreams, your self-esteem, your goals, and your belief of the good in people and the good in you. It can even kill your faith and shake your trust in God.
Why has God let this happen? We often get tunnel vision when in pain. We can’t always see past the heartache to the world Jesus is holding up so we can deal with the hurt. Sometimes we don’t recognize that while he didn’t stop our pain from happening he gave us the perfect best friend to cry to or put that pastor, who can help you pray through your struggles, at the door to greet you this morning. We can’t always see that he took care of our finances so when we were wrecked from losing a loved one we could afford to just grieve. We don’t want to be bothered with the mother who is quoting the scripture about waiting for marriage that God gave her for our situation. We reject the wonderful stepfather the Lord sent us because we are too busy hoping that one day our “real dad” may want us back. The pain, the loss the regret it’s all too overwhelming to see past.
So how do we stop the hurt? How do we move past the debilitating feeling of loss? How do we ignore the rejection of love and regain some feeling of self worth? The truth is there is no magic way of healing your pain. There is no set of instructions that is going to take away the hurt, but I can tell you where to start; look for God in your situation, look past pain and find where he’s holding you together. He has not forsaken you, he’s there. Keep praying and he will heal you. Forgive the person who did you wrong and allow yourself to be free of the power they hold over you. Remember hurt people hurt people; your forgiveness may be what they need to heal. And in the mean time while you still feel the hurt … Just have faith. I know sometimes that phrase makes you physically ill. I know that you feel like you have been running on faith and you just can’t do it anymore. I know that while you are trying to believe in God’s timing and promises deep down you feel he is rejecting you. But I promise he still loves you, he still wants the best for you. He still wants you to depend on him and know that he is worthy of your faith. God will not fail you, he will not give up on you, he will not abandon you, he will not reject you. Have faith, follow his way and know that joy is to come, the heartbreak is only temporary. Give God your heart and let him mend it for you, he will care for it like the precious gift it is.
